The other day I went to a bar with a friend, and it brought something into focus for me: how a person behaves at a bar or restaurant can be seen as a metaphor for that person’s approach to life more generally. The place we were at was a great brewery that always has a broad selection of beers on tap. At first, we were both brought the drinks list and studied it, getting advice from the server and exchanging thoughts. Eventually, we each settled on a choice, as it happened two different kinds of IPA. Both of us liked the beers we had respectively chosen. After we’d finished them, the server came over and asked if we’d like another round. My friend simply ordered the same thing, but I took another look at the drinks list and ordered something new, this time a blonde ale. This scene repeated itself two more times during the evening; he stuck to the same IPA every time, and I successively tried a saison and then a lighter stout.

To the annoyance of some of my friends, I’m sure, this is what I always do in bars and restaurants: I try different items and experiment, rarely repeating or revisiting anything. There are, however, those who, like my friend, settle on something and have it repeatedly. I’ve always thought it was a shame to limit your experience in this way to one thing or a small subset of things, especially when the menu has a wide variety on offer. Sure, you could be disappointed when you try something new, but that, I always thought, is just the price of exploration. Of course, I acted this way not only when dining out but more generally in all areas of my life: when it came time to replace a piece of tennis equipment, I’d buy a different brand; as soon as I got a taste of a new job, I’d be looking for another; and I never committed to a romantic relationship.

It occurred to me though that there was something perverse about my continual experimentation. I forced myself to admit that my friend who had enjoyed the same beer four times, was onto something. He wasn’t simply depriving himself. Experimentation couldn’t be the end in itself, and so it was vain to persist in it indefinitely. Even though there is value to expanding the horizons of your experience and learning about the possibilities that exist, the goal is ultimately to make the most informed decision about what you want to settle on. I recognized in myself the tendency just to try new things for the sake of it, without any intention of narrowing my preferences down to a shortlist for the future. Once I had gathered enough information, I realized, I needed to shift my focus to indulging in the things I had found especially to agree with me. That night I saw clearly that I, serial novelist, had to practice the art of appreciation more in order to make all of my wanderings worthwhile.